Well, today we got assigned to our crews. The funny thing is, I had a gut feeling for the past week or so that I would be put on the evangelism team. I knew that the people who knew me within Paradigm would push for me to step into the role of evangelist because most people see me as the outgoing sort of girl. The only problem is, I have not only been expecting to be on the evangelism team, I was almost terrified of it. But I knew God would put me where he wanted me, so at 10 am this morning my team went out into the city to spread news of a church whose numbers need some help.
We were given a list of what to say, how to say it and some really good advice: “only 3 out of every 10 doors you knock on will come open the door…if they’re home.” 30%…it sounds pretty much as minute as you can get. If I was a gambler (which I’m not) I would never bet on 70% failure. But because I love Jesus and he’s changed my life, I went out with a let’s-get-‘em attitude.
Needless to say, it was really hard. My team and I tried to keep the spirits high and the momentum going throughout the day. They shut the door, we moved on to the next house. They said they didn’t need prayer, we prayed anyways. They wouldn’t come to the door; we left them a packet on their doorstep. And as the day went on, I felt pretty good; I kept letting the denial sort of roll off my back. And there was A LOT of rejection. More than I was prepared for. Everyone tried to prep us, telling us that a lot of people would be shut off from wanting to hear what we have to say. But as much as someone can try to prepare you, it was one of those things you don’t listen to because you have to experience it.
And oh did I experience it today… I’ve always been the sort of girl who doesn’t get told “no.” If I don’t agree with something, I’m the first to speak up and I’m usually listened to. If I don’t agree with a grade I received on a paper, I make my case in my professor’s office and usually get the points I believe I earned. But today, I feel, made up for a lifetime of open doors. Door after door was shut on us. Gates surrounded over ¾ of the houses we walked by, and we weren’t allowed to go into the gates. So 75% of the houses, right of the bat, were off limits for us to talk to about Jesus.
On the bus ride to our nightly worship, I sat and started to contemplate on all of this. Rejection after rejection was screaming at me to stop. To give up. When we got to dinner, I lost it. I realized that for the first time in my life, I was being told “no” over and over. And I couldn’t handle it. I officially became the crazy girl who cries at dinner and has to leave. A good friend came up and told me to read Jeremiah 1 tomorrow in my free time. He gave me a brief synopsis, saying that people aren’t rejecting me, they’re rejecting Christ. And it’s my job to go out and be there to let them know their options, and if they still turn away from Christ, then they have to deal with it in heaven. It was a comfort, but my heart was still aching from the rejection and the knowledge that such an influential city had gated itself off so well, that getting through seems impossible.
A week ago, I was giving my testimony to a girl I disciple. I told her that I had been baptized, but before I was saved. And it was about a week ago, I realized that the bible says that we’re supposed to get baptized AFTER we’re saved. I got baptized because I realized I hadn’t been, and everyone I knew had. I figured, it was something I needed to check off on the “Christian list” so many of us are accustomed to living our lives by. So I talked to a few people and to Nick and Ryan and we decided that I needed to get re-baptized because everything finally “clicked” for me. I wanted to obey God and he tells me to get baptized, and I wanted to get everything in the right order. So the plan was for me to get re-baptized tonight. But after a day like today, I almost turned away. I felt my heart hardening and telling me that it wouldn’t make a difference anyhow. I know now that that was just my flesh feeding me all sorts of negativity.
I, Kalie Larson, got baptized tonight, March 15, 2010. And everything made sense. I knew why I was doing it and I knew that the aching to obey God was a little better because I made a step in the right in the right direction. Nick told everyone before I “took the plunge” that I have been saved for a long time, but that I got things out of order and I wanted to get them right. He talked a little bit about baptism and told everyone that there were probably a lot of people who needed to the same thing, and that he was proud of me for being courageous enough to step forward and obey God. Because of that, 4 other people got the courage to come forward and make the decision to be baptized. That’s 4 believers that I go to church and paradigm with. Nick came up to me after the service and told me, that even though I felt like I hadn’t made a difference today, the mere act of me stepping forward had influenced and given other people courage to do the same, to step forward and obey God. Of course, the glory goes to God because he has probably been knocking on the doors of people’s hearts for as long as he was me. But after a day like today, I really needed that encouragement.
It’s completely weird how, at exactly the right moment, when you’re at your weakest point, God will use you in the most perfect way to make you realize that everything you’re doing to shine His light is TOTALLY worth it. I know that tomorrow, I’m going to get doors shut in my face. I know that people are going to be rude. I know that those gosh darn fences are going to be up at most of the houses, keeping us out. And I know that there will be even tougher and stronger fences around the hearts of some of the people we talk to. But I also know, that, “in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Tomorrow is a new day! And I can’t wait to get a hundred doors shut in my face, so that maybe I can bring even one person closer to eternity with a wonderful and merciful Savior. God can use me. God can use a rock if He wants to. I mean, what more encouragement does someone need than knowing you’re exactly the right person for exactly the right job that God has planned for you? Tonight….that’s all the encouragement I need.
